The photo in Denise Murphy’s home that moves her the most is the picture of her walking with her husband Tom down the aisle of Holy Redeemer Church in Kensington, Maryland, on their wedding day 50 years ago.
“This is our walk into the future,” she said.
Reflecting on that photo, she added, “You’ve said your vows and are promised to each other. You walk out that door… There you start your journey. You walk down that aisle, and your journey begins, your sacrament begins.”
Denise Murphy noted that couples walking down the aisle don’t know how their future is going to unfold. But for her and her husband, their marriage has included a lifetime of blessings centering on their Catholic faith and their love for their five children and 15 grandchildren.
Faith and family
Pointing to one of many family photos lining the walls of their North Bethesda home, Denise Murphy said, “God gave these people for me to love.”
The Murphys’ family now includes their son Steve, his wife Stephanie and their children Kristen, Ryan and Josh; their daughter Teresa Anderson and her husband Erik and their three daughters Kaitlin, Emily and Leah; their daughter Erin Konstantoulas and her husband Neil and their children Zoe, Maeve, Gavin and Ella; their daughter Jennifer Farkas and her husband Andrew and their daughters Fiona and Allie; and their son David and his wife Cindy and their sons Camden, Tatum and Silas.
Tom and Denise Murphy will be among more than 250 local Catholic couples celebrating milestone anniversaries in 2021 who will be prayed for at the Archdiocese of Washington’s annual Jubilarian Mass on June 27 at 3 p.m. at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle.
Coming full circle
And just as their devotion to their faith and family has been interwoven throughout their 50 year-marriage, the Murphys were able to celebrate their 50th anniversary on March 6, 2021 with a Mass at Holy Redeemer in Kensington, returning to the church were they were married on that same date in 1971 to renew their vows, as their children and grandchildren all participated in the Mass, doing the readings, offering prayers and helping to bring up the offertory gifts.
The cover to their Mass program booklet had a photo of their overlapping hands, with the words “Golden Together, Tom and Denise, March 6, 1971-2021.”
“For me, it was like a full circle experience, going back to where we began, with our children and grandchildren there to witness our commitment to each other, and that God helped us through it,” Denise Murphy said.
She expressed gratitude to Father Mark Hughes, Holy Redeemer’s pastor, for welcoming them back to the church and celebrating the Mass. The anniversary Mass included the same readings from the Book of Genesis, St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians and the Gospel of St. Matthew that were read at their wedding 50 years earlier, and one of the same songs that Denise Murphy insisted on including that includes the refrain, “This is the Day that the Lord has Made.”
Tom Murphy said the anniversary Mass would have been special to him no matter where it was celebrated, but for him, returning to Holy Redeemer Church for that special day was like coming home. “Where we did it was special because I grew up in that parish. Believe it or not, I was an altar boy at the first Mass that was said in that new church. In my mind, it was always my home church,” he said. “To be able to recreate almost exactly where I sat for my wedding was special.”
When asked whether he was as nervous for the anniversary Mass at Holy Redeemer Church in 2021 as he was for his wedding there in 1971, Tom Murphy laughed and said, “No way!”
He did admit that he was a little anxious about walking up the steps at the church after his back surgery, but it all turned out fine. Making it to his 50th anniversary had become a life goal for him.
“To me, it’s quite an accomplishment. I don’t have too many friends or peers who made it to 50 years,” he said. “…I’m happy we made it. I’m a lucky person. It was just a very meaningful day for me.”
At work and at home
Tom Murphy worked in banking and is a founder and the retired president of Eagle Bank, which has its headquarters in Bethesda. Denise Murphy taught for about 30 years, including at St. Bernard’s School in Riverdale, Holy Redeemer School in Kensington, St. John the Evangelist School in Silver Spring, Stone Ridge School of the Sacred Heart in Bethesda, St. Elizabeth School in Rockville, and as a substitute teacher for Montgomery County Public Schools. Tom Murphy is a 1965 graduate of Good Counsel High School and earned a degree from The Catholic University of America, and Denise Murphy graduated from the Academy of the Holy Cross in 1966 and earned a degree from Frostburg State College, now a university.
The Murphys were longtime members of St. John the Baptist Parish in Silver Spring and all five of their children attended that parish’s elementary school. After moving to North Bethesda, the couple became members of St. Elizabeth Parish in Rockville.
A love story begins
They met when they were high school students attending CYO dances, and Tom Murphy said he appreciated that Denise didn’t pressure him to dance. “I don’t dance,” he explained. They went to see the Cary Grant movie “Father Goose” on their first date.
Tom, then a high school senior, and Denise, then a junior, had an adventurous time attending Good Counsel’s prom. Tom Murphy got permission to drive his father’s Chevrolet Corvair to the dance, but they ended up in a chain-reaction, fender-bender accident.
“He handled it so cool and was really calm. I thought, ‘This man is a keeper!’” Denise Murphy remembered.
Tom Murphy, hinting that his calm reaction back then hid his feelings of anxiety over the damage to his father’s car, joked, “If only she knew!” He explained that thankfully, his dad “was pretty good about it,” even though that was one of the nicest cars he ever owned.
When asked how she knew that Tom was the right person for her, Denise Murphy said, “He was very easy to get along with, very easy to be with… He has a great wit, an Irish sense of humor. He’s friendly and just nice to be around. Those qualities have helped him be successful in his career as a banker. People are drawn to him.”
A bond of love and faith
Their shared Catholic faith became an immediate and lasting bond, and when Tom Murphy decided to propose to her, he wanted to show her how much he loved her and wanted to marry her.
“I decided I would tie it to religion, that’s a good place to start our marriage,” he said. “…Looking through a prayer book, I came up with a poem I thought was very appropriate, and I scotch-taped the ring to that page.”
Tom Murphy presented that to Denise after they attended a Christmas midnight Mass together. The poem, “I Love You” by Carl Sandburg, begins, “I love you for what you are, but I love you yet more for what you are going to be,” and it concludes, “You are going forward toward something great. I am on the way with you, and therefore, I love you.”
That poem was reprinted on the program for the Murphys’ 50th anniversary Mass, and the Christmas midnight Masses became a “standing date” for the Murphy family as they raised their children.
Denise Murphy said that after Tom’s proposal, she prayed to the Holy Spirit for guidance, and said she came to believe “that this is the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, to take the sacrament of matrimony with, to be a partner to, to help to get to heaven with us together.”
Her husband emphasized how important their Catholic faith has been to them, from the time they were dating and engaged, to their married life as parents and now as grandparents. Along the way, they tried to provide their children with a good Catholic upbringing, and the couple’s faith helped them face job changes, occasional health challenges and guided them in assisting their elderly parents.
“To me, that’s what made it easy to get through,” said Tom Murphy, who noted that he and his wife continue to pray the rosary together every evening, and they’ve probably never missed attending a Mass, except during the pandemic when they watched Masses online. “…It’s something I could never think of doing without, our religion,” he said.
Denise Murphy agreed how important faith and prayer have been to their family’s life, and noted how, in addition to going to Mass together, they prayed the rosary at dinner with their children during the months of May and October, and their family would also say Advent prayers in the weeks before Christmas and attend Stations of the Cross during Lent. Even as their children were growing up and participating in sports and other activities, faith remained a priority for their family’s daily life, she said.
“Our children have passed on this legacy to their children,” Denise Murphy said.
She pointed out how during family vacations to the beach, they would also find time for service projects, making handmade blankets, gift baskets and cards for people in need.
“This is our offering of our talents, our gifts to the poor, so the poor know they are loved,” she said.
Special memories
When asked about some favorite memories of their 50-year marriage, Tom Murphy said, “Anything that has to do with our family, the birth of the five kids, family celebrations, family vacations.”
Denise Murphy added that their wedding day and then their honeymoon in St. Croix in the U.S. Virgin Islands are also happy memories. Tom surprised her with the trip to that island. “We came back with great tans and some great memories,” she said, adding that a conch shell they brought back from their honeymoon has been a fixture outside the homes they’ve moved to over the years.
She noted how they’ve tried to add creativity to family gatherings, like the time Tom dressed up as a Ninja Turtle for the third birthday party of their youngest son, David. Denise Murphy has sewn First Communion dresses for her daughters and made wedding cakes for them. “I try and share my talents to what is happening at the moment,” she said.
When the Murphys were in their 50s, they took dance lessons together, and Denise said she got a lot of joy watching an elderly couple using walkers as they tried the dance steps. “I figured if they can do it at that time of life, we can do it now,” she said.
Tips for a happy marriage
As for tips for having a long, happy marriage, Tom Murphy said it’s important to be a good listener and to keep a sense of humor.
He added, “It’s important to be very good partners and continue to do as many things together as when we were first married… I don’t think either one of us has been in the grocery store alone. That’s how together we are.”
Tom Murphy noted how after 50 years together, he still refers to his wife as “my girlfriend.” Denise Murphy said she has kept a red box with the letters he wrote to her when she was a college student, and he called her “girlfriend” then, as he does now.
She agreed that communication is vital, and she said it’s also important to “keep that honeymoon feeling alive” by doing special things for your spouse.
She also emphasized being thoughtful, respectful and forgiving in a marriage.
“You can’t do that without having God as your center,” she said. “There’s three people when you’re on the altar. You, your husband and the Lord, and you carry that with you on your journey.”
Denise Murphy added that it’s important to accept things about your spouse that you can’t change. Later she laughed and said, “I’ve learned to accept he can’t dance!”
