As we move further into the new year and closer to the start of Lent, I have been reflecting on some of the things I have learned through the years about ministry, the priesthood, service and God. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about five principles that I try to live by and bring to others every day. 

These principles are just mine. I’m not sure there is any huge wisdom here, but I have found that they guide me well. I share these five basic ideas with you in the hope that they also serve you well.

Try to say “yes” every time you can and “no” only when you have to. Quite simply, this principle guides everything I do. Saying yes to people is a way of loving and serving others. 

I also find that you receive a whole different response from others. People love to hear the word “yes,” and it opens up communication and the relationship. In contrast, the word “no” pushes people away and can serve as a barrier to a relationship, especially if the other person feels we are not interested in even trying to meet their request. 

Sometimes we must say “no” because it is the right answer, and I am not suggesting that we say “yes” to things that the Church does not support. I am suggesting that saying “yes” whenever possible is a pastoral way of dealing with people and issues. Think about how different our world would be if all of us tried to find a way to say “yes” to any request that comes our way. Mary said “yes” to God, and the whole world began to change.

One “yes” can open many doors. When you say “yes,” you might be surprised to find that you didn’t open just one door but many others besides. 

We put this slightly differently at Catholic Charities and say that “there are no closed doors.” When people come to us for food, they may quickly find themselves in one of our jobs programs looking for employment. When someone asks us to help them find a place to live, our “yes” may lead to their receiving badly needed dental or medical care. Those who seek our help for personal or family struggles often walk through the door into counseling and support through one of our behavioral health programs.

It all starts with that first “yes.” Other doors then open, and people’s lives are changed. Quite honestly, I believe that nonprofits in general should push to open more doors. I think we sometimes rely on band-aid solutions to treat the symptom and not enough on surgery to treat the problem. We should look for every opportunity to help people permanently better other lives, not just for a day, a week or even a month.

What ever happened to gray? One of my lawyer friends asked me this question about a year ago, and it is more important than it might first appear. 

It seems that the world right now tries to make everything black or white, either/or, right or wrong. This tendency seems to be everywhere, from our politics to our Church. The danger is that we see everything from our perspective with little to no respect for any other opinion or thought. In fact, we often vilify opposing opinions or thoughts.

We are all created in God’s image, but the simple truth is that we are all different. As we recently read from Corinthians at Sunday Mass, “A body is one though it has many parts.” (1 Corinthians 12:12) Things aren’t always as black or white as we might want them to be. Sometimes, we need to recognize the gray. 

Yes, there are principles we must follow and things we must do, but we must also remain open to the fact that someone else may not agree with us or see a situation the same way we do. We still need to love and respect them as fellow human beings. We need to be open to God working in other people the way God wants to, not how we think he should. 

And that brings me to the next principle…

We must all learn two things. First, there is a God. Second, it’s not me. I get a chuckle out of this one, but it is true. We all need to remind ourselves that we are not God. 

On the one hand, this means we are not in charge. On the other hand, it also means that we don’t carry the weight of the whole world on our shoulders. God has us in the palm of his hand, not the other way around.

It can be easy to put ourselves in the place of God in our everyday decisions and actions, which is essentially the first sin of Adam and Eve. Living the Great Commandment is an effective antidote for this. If we remember there is a God that we must love with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and that we must love our neighbor as ourself, then we begin to live differently. It is no longer about us but about God and how we can love and serve our neighbor.

God wants us to be with him in Heaven. My love for God grows when I remember this. We should not be afraid of God, and we should stop worrying about what God might do to us. Rather, let’s live in the full realization that God loves us and wants us to be with him for all eternity. 

Heaven, then, is a gift from God unless we choose not to receive it. Jesus died on the cross for us, and through his dying and rising saved every one of us from sin and death. We have the promise to be with God forever unless we choose otherwise, unless we willfully engage in true wrongdoing performed with full knowledge that it will break our relationship with God. 

When we all come face to face with God, I believe he will ask us one main question. It won’t be for a record of how well we kept the commandments, but whether we did our best. If we did our best to love, I am convinced God will bring us all home with him someday. Jesus told us that he was going to prepare a place for us (John 14:2), and if we live our life believing that we will be with God in Heaven, we will live differently. We will live more fully in God’s love rather than trying to avoid his judgment. We will be excited about the chance to be with God forever when he calls us home. 

I have been thinking and praying about these ideas over the last couple of years. They are now clearer to me than they were many years ago, and they help me to better see all that God has given us and live the life he has called me to live.

I share them in the hope that they do the same for you. Perhaps they could be part of your spiritual growth in 2022 or the upcoming Lenten season. May God bless you as you do your best every day to be the person God created you to be.

(Msgr. John Enzler, the president and CEO of Catholic Charities of The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington, writes the “Faith in Action” column for the archdiocese’s Catholic Standard and Spanish-language El Pregonero newspapers and websites. For more information on Catholic Charities and how to support its work, go to catholiccharitiesdc.org.)