“What are you doing for Lent?”

Son, “I don’t know.” 

“Hey Mom! What are we having for dinner?”

“It’s Friday.”
 “But I don’t want cheese pizza…”
 These are little examples of the bigger reality, when your kids don’t see the point of Lent, or understand the purpose of willingly seeking to engage in self-denial.
 Now one can open up scripture and read in Matthew, Mark or Luke about Jesus going out into the desert and being tempted by Satan, and it’s not inadvisable to bring scripture into the discussion, but probably not the starting point for getting from wherever it is your children are, to meekly accepting the reality of abstaining or fasting, and surrendering something of their will as an offering.

So here are some tips to help make Lent more what you hope it will be for your children, and even for yourself.
10) First, if your children are adolescents, then talk about how even super athletes and superheroes need to train, because talent alone will only take them so far. So also, God is calling them to be saints, and self-indulgence won’t get them to Heaven. Lent is training – higher training, adult training – designed to make us all better. Write out your own resolution so they can see, you’re all in. Have everyone do so. Ask them if they want to remain as is, or want to be better in any field of endeavor they already value (a sport, art, interest). No one wants to remain adequate at something they love. No one wants someone who loves them to be minimal in efforts. Draw the connection between this truth about the ordinary, and the supernatural world.
9) Do some part of your Lenten observance as a family – giving to the food pantry, doing a service project, a family rosary, a daily reading or prayer, so that kids see it happening. And make it part of every evening or morning.

8) On abstaining days, let them take the point on creating the meal to the extent people are eating – so that instead of ordering a cheese pizza, they make one, or the same with fish or any other non-meat sacrificial meal being planned. Making people part of the project, often makes the project more important and less a source of unhappiness.

7) Make a Lenten Calendar – similar to an Advent Calendar but sans chocolate. Every day they read the reading for the day and put on a post-it on the refrigerator, what will be done today to clear away some of the debris in the desert of our souls. It keeps everyone on it, it keeps everyone honest.

6) Talk about how hard it is, because Lent is hard. We aren’t good at redemptive suffering; it’s why we need a redeemer. We aren’t good at even forbearance, because there’s a dark pleasure that comes from complaining.

5) Reassess the Lenten observations. Are they trying something too hard or too easy? Have them answer the question. Same for yourself. Work together to plan a strategy, if not for success, for being more able obey. 

4) Hold a family movie night, because growing together in holiness involves shared time, shared experiences. Expose them to movies that reveal holiness in action – pick movies that they can handle – there are lists of such things that fit various age ranges and reveal different components of holiness from courage to humility to forbearance.

3) Or if you want a more literary approach, have a family reading night, and choose accordingly – a life of a saint, meditations, the Chronicles of Narnia, scripture, but allow them to read, to ask questions, to reflect, and be prepared to be challenged perhaps more than you expected, and to learn more than you perhaps hoped.

2) Share your own failed and fruitful Lent stories. We all have ones where we fell down all over the place or failed to plan or live out what we attempted, and seasons where we could see the results, not in our waist line or discipline, but in how our souls responded to God. Kids who are wondering how one has a relationship with God, need to hear about our own wrestling with the Lord. (One on one is best, take the teen out to dinner and talk).

1) Lent isn’t one day, it’s a process. Make sure you take them to mass, to the stations of the cross, to the rosary, to service projects, to confession, to talks. Invite them in deeper as part of that process. Explain, we need to learn more, even we the adults. Kids often tune out when they think either we don’t take it seriously, or they don’t understand why we take it seriously. Giving them the awareness, it’s real, we care and it’s serious, and it’s a forever thing, gives them a broader bigger understanding, that this isn’t a check off the box because you’re a kid thing, it’s a spiritual exercise that always yields better fruit than we sow if we allow.

P.S. Pray for your kids and serve them extra ketchup with the fish sticks. 

(Sherry Antonetti is the author of The Book of Helen. She is a freelancer and blogger @Chocolate For Your Brain!)